A Typical Confession...

Dear Papa Joe,

I've been a baaaad boy. I hid radioactive waste under the chair of my boss and now he's not feeling too well. What should I do?

 

PAPA JOE'S CONFIDENTIAL RESPONSE:

Dear Ray,

Yours is a common problem with subGs. If I had but a dollar every time a subgenius hid an isotope under the butt of a pink, I'd have more money that JR himself. Your sin isn't that you rotted the stinking ass of an asshole, for Bob commanded us to kick the pinks ass and all you did was a creative variation on that theme. However, you sinned in that you felt GUILTY for doing what Bob told you to do. This shows that you hesitate in your blind faith to the master. In less than two years, he will come again and ask that you do much more than just melt the buttocks off your boss. You must be prepared to carry out his orders without question or remorse. It is more than our duty to obey Bob, it is our HONOR.

 

You'll be glad to know that both my psychic eight-ball and panel of experts agree that your sin is not a serious one. Your success in destroying your Boss' health is a wonderful payback for all the Subgenius' who had their health destroyed by the boss or pinks like him. The brownie points you received for this courageous act outweigh the persecution points you earned through your feeling of remorse. You are absolved, you sly devil, you. Keep up the faith and go forth in the name of Bob.

 

Yours in Slack,

Father Joe Mama